19 February 2013

I Got A Boy Meotjin

kung k-pop addict ka, kagaya ko, magegets mo yung reference ng title! ahehehehe... and yes, bilang pagpupugay sa nakaraang araw ng mga puso, naway pagbigyan nyo akong magkwento about my boy. kung ayaw mo, wala kang choice! hahaha!

isang buwan na kami ni Jack Frost, ang galing! at bagamat bago pa lang kami, marami na akong natutunan tungkol sa amin, tungkol sa kanya, at tungkol sa sarili ko.

naaalala ko pa nung lumalabas pa lang kami. he will always buy the things that i want, making sure that at the end of the day, i am smiling. in short, ginawa n'ya talaga akong babae! GirlShiatsu! ahahahaha!

dumaan ang mga araw na tuloy tuloy ang "ligawan"... hanggang sa naging kami na nga.

maraming away, definitely. siguro dahil na rin sa mga differences namin, especially him being closeted and me being comfortable with my sexuality. may mga times na mababaw ang away, pero there's something deeper into it. hanggang sa naisip ko... mahal nga ba talaga namin ang isa't isa?

naitanong nya na rin sa akin yan minsan... mahal ba namin ang isa't isa? or infatuated lang kami? madalas pa ay natatanong nya ako... mahal ko ba sya dahil kailangan ko sya, o kailangan ko sya dahil mahal ko sya? yes, ang lakas maka-Milan, ang lakas maka-Claudine... pero may point.

hindi ko tuloy maiwasan itanong sa sarili ko... bakit ko nga ba sya mahal? pano mo nga ba nalalaman kung mahal mo ang isang tao?

para sa aking may issues about acceptance and belongingness, malaking bagay sa akin na napapasaya ako ng isang tao. kung iniisip nya ang happiness ko, i will treasure that person, and i will start loving him.

"so kaya mo nga ako mahal dahil sa pera? sa mga nagagastos ko sayo?"

i was deeply offended by that statement... but i understand his logic. kung mahal ko ang nagpapasaya sa akin, at malaki ang ginagastos nya para sa mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa akin, mahal ko nga ba sya dahil sa pera nya? hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko.

bukod pa doon, marami pa kaming naging issues. at matapang kong ilalahad ang ilan sa mga ito.

* suspected infidelity -- minsan nya na akong inaway dahil sa planetromeo... at, aaminin ko, may ilang beses ko na rin syang nahulig na "flirting" and "dating" with someone else.

* clashing opinions -- magkaiba ang pananaw namin sa maraming bagay. may mga bagay na komportable ako pero naiilang sya, and vice versa.

* social status -- out ako, closeted sya. gusto ko malambing in public, hindi pwede in his case dahil baka may makakita sa amin na kakilala nya.

* difference in viewpoints and "nakasanayang mga bagay" -- madalas nya sinasabi sa akin na hindi nya maramdaman na mahal ko sya, na kahit ba anong gawin kong paraan to express my love, eh parang may kulang.

maraming beses syang nagtatampo sa akin, at hindi ko maintindihan ang logic. siguro dahil ako ang unang boyfriend nya, sanay pa sya sa setup na lalaki at babae. ako naman, sa tagal ko nang nabubuhay sa pink world, iba na ang alam kong proseso at logistics ng relasyon. at madalas na hindi nagtutugma yun, na nauuwi sa tampuhan, awayan, at hindi pansinan sa text.

yet, despite all these issues, i am sticking to him. i am sticking to my Jack Frost. love is not always easy, it never is. and despite what i always say na you love someone because of the happiness, i realized it's wrong. you love someone because you know this person brings out the better version of you. you love someone because despite the tantrums and the misunderstandings, you know you will still look forward to his sweet whatnots thru texts to keep your day alive and kicking. you love someone because kahit anong sakit ng ulo ang pinagdadaanan mo dahil sa mga problema nyo, you would still give up almost anything just to be with him. you love someone with no definitions. you love someone just because.

and i am happy with my Jack Frost. i am happy to find someone who understands me as me, together with my dark past, and yet inspires me to be a better person.

at kagaya nga ng sabi sa kanta ng Girls Generation... i got a boy meotjin, i got a boy chakhan, i got a boy, awesome boy, wanjeon banhaenna bwa. (kayo na lang bahalang mag-translate!)

10 comments:

  1. I got a boy, a handsome one! I got a boy, a kind one!
    I got a boy handsome boy, who took all my heart
    I got a boy, a handsome one! I got a boy, a kind one!
    I got a boy awesome boy, I must have really fallen for him (x2)

    -Good for you BS. do not let him go!!!

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  2. So, does this mean na tigil ka na as boy shiatsu?

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  3. di po ako titigil, though medyo nagto-tone down na...

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  4. been following your blog for quite awhile and I'm happy for you buddy. wish you all the happiness, you deserve it. amen.

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  5. Awww... All the best for you guys!

    Kampai!

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  6. Awww... All the best for you guys!

    Kampai!

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  7. hi ken,

    Quote ko lang, "madalas nya sinasabi sa akin na hindi nya maramdaman na mahal ko sya, na kahit ba anong gawin kong paraan to express my love, eh parang may kulang."

    Ang tao kasi iba iba ang opinyon para masabi nila sa sarili na mahal sila ng isang tao. Meron yung tinatawag na 5 love languages (searchable sa Google), at i sasummarize ko dito:

    1. words of affirmation - sila yung gustong gusto na marinig yung nararamdaman mo. For example, by saying "I love what u did earlier" to a more deeper "I love you". Kapag nakarinig sila ng compliments, their happiness skyrocketed.

    2. acts of service - sila yung gustong gusto na you do something for them like cooking them a meal, massaging them, etc.

    3. receiving gifts - sila yung taong feeling nila they were really special kapag nakaka-receive sila ng gifts from somebody. Hindi naman sinasabi na materialistic sila.. it is just that they've got a different view pagdating sa gifts. It can be a simple free dinner to a more expensive things like cars.

    4. quality time - sila yung taong they really want to spend some time with you. Usually di mo lang sila masamahan eh, talagang magtatampo na yan.

    5. physical touch - sila yung gustong gusto yung touch mo. Di lang sa bed ha? hehe. This includes hugging, holding hand, pats in the back, etc.

    Of course, kung babasahin mo every one of us wants all 5 of those pero meron talagang pinakamatindi ang dating para satin. For example, para sakin yung physical touch, mabilis ako mainlove kapag yinayakap ako, though I appreciate gifts, iba talaga dating ng touch sakin.

    Hopefully this can help. I wish you good luck sa relationship nyo. Remember, any relationships only last if the people involved are sharing good moments together. Sex can only satisfy you momentarily but good memories can last a lifetime.

    Koro :))

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  8. Komentong kapatid ito. Sa tingin ko lang magka-iba ang mundong ginagalawan nyo. Closeted sya. You are not, and to top it all, sex worker ka (no judgment). You cannot even say that past is past, because currently, you are still in practice. Unless, you are open with him and fully accepted nya ito, maybe half the battle is won. This issue however, is only one mountain amongst others, to climb. However, ika nga "love conquers all." Sana naman. That is my ardent wish for you.

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  9. whoa! pleasant news! may you find the courage to fight for it and patience to make it last..

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