The Guardian

today, i'll share a love story... my love story.

december 5, 2012... naisipan kong manood ng movie kaya nagdecide ako na sa gabing iyon, may kasama man ako o wala, lalabas ako at manonood ng rise of the guardians. sa kalagitnaan ng hapon, may nagtext at nagtatanong kung available daw ba ako for a night out ng gabing yun. sakto. tutal lalabas ako, ayan, may makakasama ako. at sagot nya daw ang tickets! pag sinuswerte nga naman. solved na ang gabi ko.

naaalala ko pa kung paano ko syang sinusungitan sa text that day (kasi nagwowork ako). pero mabuti naman at hindi nya ako sinungitan pabalik. matapos ang ilang oras, nagtext na sya na papunta na sya sa lugar kung saan nya ako susunduin, so binitawan ko ang trabaho ko (hindi na ako nagpaaalam sa mga officemates ko! haha!) at pumunta sa meeting place namin.

tumigil sa harapan ko ang itim na kotse, bumukas ang bintana, at bumungad ang mukha ng "ka-date" ko sa gabing iyon. okay naman sya. hindi sobrang gwapo, hindi rin naman pangit. sumakay ako sa kotse nya at nagkwentuhan kami kaunti habang papunta ng sm moa.

"do you wanna eat muna?" tanong nya.
"okay lang. kaso baka hindi natin abutan yung start ng movie"
"let's eat something light na lang muna, then we can have something else after the movie."
"okay."

dumating kami sa moa at ipinaprint ang tickets (naaastigan ako sa technology na to!). dahil may ilang minuto pa kami bago magsimula ang movie, naisipan naming kumain muna sa foodcourt... tropical hut. kaunting kwentuhan pa, then pumunta na sa movie house.

para akong bata na tuwang-tuwa sa pelikula, samantalang sya, parang wala lang. pero wala akong pakialam that time. ang mahalaga, napanood ko yung movie. what's best is libre pa! ayus na ayus!

natapos ang movie at naisipan naming pumunta ng yakimix for dinner (this is the original plan anyways), kaso sarado na. naghanap ng iba pang makakainan, pero wala. mga sarado na. nagpunta pa kami sa macapagal, pero wala na rin. hanggang sa nauwi kami sa shakeys... sa makati avenue! unsyami ang japanese dream kaya nagtiis sa pizza. madaling-araw na kami nakauwi, and it was sweet of him na ihatid pa ako sa bahay ko.

lumipas ang mga araw, nagkakatext kami. kumustahan. walang plano sa kung anong susunod na mangyayari, hanggang sa naisipan nya na tanungin ako kung anong plans ko for my birthday.

"i have a gig."
"hanggang anong oras?"
"mga hanggang 9 yata, malapit sa moa."
"okay. let's have dinner after, you want?"
"sure!"

sa pangalawang pagkakataon, i'm having dinner with someone i don't know on my birthday (remember Bimby Suplado year 2011?).

sinundo nya ako sa gig ng saktong alas nuwebe at pumunta ulit sa moa... sa yakimix... pero 30 minutes left na lang and the buffet is closed na. useless. so to fulfill the japanese dream, kumain kami sa sumo-san (na anglalaki ng servings!). masarap na japanese dinner and kwentuhan, and i found out na pareho kaming mahilig sa tuna! pagkatapos ng dinner, tinanong nya ako kung ano pang gusto kong gawin. i don't know, basta all i want is not to go home yet. nagkasundo kaming pumunta sa restaurant ng boss ko sa serendra and uminom ng kaunti. masaya ang naging birthday ko dahil sa kanya... and on that night, i called him Jack Frost.

sumunod ang mga araw ng text text, ng kulitan, ng dinners. habang tumatagal, lalo akong natutuwa sa kaya. habang tumatagal, hinahanap ko ang kulitan namin sa text. habang tumatagal, nararamdaman kong special ako dahil sa kanya. he asks me how my work is. he supports ng improv craft. he checks on me everytime. he reads my blog. he makes me feel like somebody... and i haven't felt that way in a long time.

then came one day... i had a bad experience with an outing. sya ang napagbuhusan ko ng bigat na nararamdaman ko. alam kong mali, pero i felt comfortable telling him about it. and he was there... comforting me kahit alam kong nasasaktan sya sa mga kinukwento ko sa kanya.

and that's when i realized how great Jack Frost is...

december 21 was the defining moment, ng mag-aya akong mag star cty at pumayag sya. for someone like him (professional, manly, workaholic), hindi normal na bagay ang star city. and yet he stepped out of his comfort box and decided to be with me. sobrang napasaya nya ako that day... at dun ko sinabi sa sarili ko... i am starting to like this person.

tuloy tuloy ang masasayang araw kahit walang labels. masaya ang naging pasko at bagong taon ko kahit hindi kami magkasama. phone calls, morning and evening greetings, pick-up lines, and cheesy texts became a part of our regular routine.

january 8... dahil sa bigat ng pressure na nararamdaman ko sa work, i asked him if we can go out. he asked me what i wanted. i spontaneously answered videoke. and he committed to it. kung yun daw ang magpapagaan ng loob ko, kahit di sya kumakanta, we'll go out for videoke. and we did! hindi kami nakapag-usap masyado kasi kanta ako ng kanta, but i made sure i make him feel how great he made me feel. and on that night, we had our first kiss.

kaya laking gulat ko na lang when i woke up kinabukasan with a text from him saying goodbye. natatakot daw kasi sya na baka ginagamit ko lang sya at hindi totoo ang feelings ko from him dahil parag imposible daw for someone like me to fall for someone like him. he didn't know, i fell na. matagal na. for him. i assured him of how i feel for him and how i'm willing to take a risk with him. that day, january 9... we became official.

masaya kami ni Jack Frost kahit hindi sya out. maraming challenges, pero nagagawa naming ngumiti at tawanan ito. hanggang sa kanina, i saw his facebook status...

seems like i cannot trust you anymore...

hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip ng mali. wala pa syang text sa akin, so i decided to call him... but he's rejecting my calls. another try, same thing. i texted, no reply. nagsisimula na akong magduda at kabahan. hanggang sa finally, nagtext sya.

"nahihirapan na ako sa mga ginagawa mo eh. kung wala talaga akong pag-asa, tell me. tooth fairy gives hope, not false hope." (he calls me Tooth Fairy)

lalo lang akong naguluhan sa text nya. we are perfectly fine. in fact, masaya pa kaming magkausap kagabi sa telepono. anong nagawa ko sa kanya?

"you keep telling me that i'm your boyfriend, that you love me and you'll never let me go then makikita ko si *insert nickname here* sa planetromeo looking for sexdates and relationship. i just don't know what to believe anymore."

that's it! planetromeo!

not that i am defending myself, but you know how sometimes things are already so routinary in the internet world that you do it not because of it's main purpose but just because? yung tipong nagbubukas ka ng fb dahil nasanay ka na. nagbubukas ka ng twitter dahil nasanay ka na. unfortunately, that's what happened. i logged in to planetromeo dahil nasanay na ako, but does it mean that i am looking for someone? i will say no, but i will respect if people will not believe me. it's a flirting site, and i am a very stupid person to think of even logging in to it (for fucking five minutes!) not to flirt, not to look for a hookup, not to have one night sex, but just because! mahirap iexplain, and i feel so bullshit that i may lose my Jack Frost just because of this stupid mistake.

i've been trying to contact and call him but he's not responding. he left me with a message saying "mahal kita kaya nasasaktan ako. pero mapagkakatiwalaan pa ba kita? it's a different story."

ang sakit. ang sakit na kung kailan heto't sumusugal na ulit ako at nagkakaroon ng lakas ng loob to be in a relationship, letting go of all my fears and prejudices that people will not love me, tsaka pa magkakaroon ng isang malaking kapalpakan na sisira sa isang bagay na nagpapasaya sa akin ngayon.

Jack Frost, i know you can read this, yet i don't know if you can trust me on this. i just want to tell you that i am very sorry and that i hope you'll give me another chance to prove myself. please forgive Tooth Fairy...